Lost and Found and Lost

When was the last time you had felt like something just got ripped out of your heart, and you don’t know what it is or where it came from but its there. Apart of me felt like I had something ripped out of me for no reason, and I don’t know what it is. Beginning of the day I’m all happy, and stay that way through out the whole day, until I had a surge of a feeling that something was torn out of my life. I still don’t know what it is that has given me this feeling, and its bugging me. I feel like my world is crumbling down, and I’m going back to to the beginning again.

I’ve tried almost everything to ignore it, but almost won’t ever count, because it’s either you make or break it. I feel alone, when I know I’m not really alone at all. Sometimes you can meet people who are going through much more of a difficult time than you are, but in the end of every tear that fell down peoples faces is the same cry that we all cry, because we’re all human, even if we are a different shade of color, race, or nationality.

The show has ended take your bow and flowers from the audience, because you can walk out feeling the success of lies that you had given people or the success of inspiration give from everyone else and past on. You can smile and cover up that side feels very hurt, to keep people from worry about you, but when you really need to show it do so, or else no one will ever know what’s going on until you open your mouth.

Attempt or Move On

You could try to catch a train, you can try to catch a plane, or walk the desert while the hot winds blows. You can walk the streets like you’re the big shot in town, but how far would that bring you? You can try to hit the gym like crazy to keep your body built, you can try to be someone you’re not, and lie about it. But really see the truth slowly builds. But you won’t know what’s happening until its too late.

You could do the oddest things in life and become affected by the hatred given to you for it, or you can show people, someone who’s still the same but changed to someone new. You could be stuck in the past and be depressed, or you can try to let it go and move on, you could pretend to be a man to others, but be weak to someone who thinks they have a chance to be with you.

Stand up for yourself, love could stay or go, if she goes, you have to move on to the next no matter how hard it is there’s always someone better to take their place. The past maybe difficult to let go, but letting go only makes you stronger. You can try to rewrite my poems to make it yours and try to get the same feeling, but that won’t happen. You can call your guards, you can ring the alarm, and you can have you’re secret information on me but I won’t back down. You can try to hold me back, but you won’t see me, you won’t hear me, or even find any traces of me except thin air.

This rarely ever happens :p

I love the way you make me smile, I love the way you always make me laugh, I love the way you always make my happy even when I feel like crap. I love how our odd moments have something weird going on. I love how you play random odd games, and not care what other people think. I love how sometimes you check up on me, when I don’t really need it. I love how you always make me not stay mad at you for a long time. I love how you message me at random times even when I can’t reply back, I love how you keep everything else out of the way, and keep the “us” composure. I love how sometimes it seems like your trying but really you’re not even trying much at all. I just love you.

You’re Not Alone

I know what its like to hate the world, I know what its like to only see black and white, I know what its like to feel used, and I know what its like to lose a friend and family member to death. I know what its like to shed a thousand tears for a tainted love, I know what its like to be closed up and cornered on all escapes. I know what its like to be left out in the cold rain, and I know what its like for someone to have the guts to stand up when they feel the need to break free, because you’re not alone in the world. Life will always have its doubts, that’s how the world is made, but its us, who has to prove them all wrong. You’re not alone but then, again you’re on own, when its your life, but when its comes down to a life with someone else you can’t say you’re alone anymore.

Breaking Free From Being Locked Down

I can’t take it anymore, I need a way out from this world, because the pain that I’m going through is slowly killing me, and putting me through the ringer. I need to get out, I can’t stand being cornered anymore, I have to break free but you keep closing in on me and leaving me with know air to breathe. I have nowhere to run, nowhere to go, and nowhere to hide, I’m out in the open and your over shadowing me in my darkest hours. I’m losing my mind and messing up on everything, I’m trying to make right as much as possible, and every time I always find my way out, you somehow, somewhere, in the world make me feeling like I’m emotionally locked up again.

I’m sick of being held down, I’m sick of looking past the wrongs you did to me before, and thinking that you’ve changed, but you never change. You say you’re in love with, but you’re obsessed with me, you’ve only known me less than a year, and now you’re just controlling me and trying to take over my life. I’m done with you, I don’t need you, and I don’t know who you are anymore. Before you came into my life, I was an angel being lifted to the highest points in my life that I had hoped I achieve, but when you walked in and started taking over my life, my wings slowly started to break right in front of my eyes.

I told you to stop, and yet you still reply back cussing me out. After I tell you to stop, you seriously have the nerve to cuss me out like that, and make people think that you have respect and try to be all religious by using scriptures from the bible for you’re own personal use. Get out of my life, I don’t need you, I never needed you around, because you weren’t anything but a leech. You pushed my patience and I’m not going to take it anymore, you’re harassment pissed me off, and took a toll on my life. You think you’re the only friend I have in the world, watch yourself, because selfishness can put you in the worse situations that you don’t really need to be in.

Cussing a person out when they told you to stop talking to them, won’t really affect them because they’re the ones who told you to leave them alone. I told you to leave me alone and you start cussing me out, that shows you barely have respect for certain people, because its not my fault, you took things too far. I backed out when I was suppose to, but you kept pushing on and on. The more cussing you throw at me, the more I’m just going to look you down, and still see that you’re not worth my time at all.

You compare me to other people, and say I’m doing the same thing as them, but I’m not because people are all different. If we were all the same you wouldn’t even be talking to me at all, and talking crap doesn’t get you anywhere but trouble. You tell me, I should put myself last after everything else, so that just means I should listen to you and mess up my life because of what you’re telling me? That’s pointless, you blame me for the stupidest reason, and I can easily compare you to a woman, because you take things too personally.

You’re like a woman in a man’s body, getting mad at me when I’m too exhausted to talk to anyone. You tell me friends come before me, but what friends are you talking about? I haven’t seen any of my friend since my birthday or not even at all, and I barely talk to anyone. You had accused me for doing something I wasn’t doing at all, and now its time for you to have a taste of you’re own medicine for it. I gave you time to think on you’re own, to see if you would stop but you didn’t. I guess you’re never going to get it unless I say something that’s just too bad.

R.I.P. Friend Letter 4

If I could fly away just to see you for the last time, I would’ve already done it when I had the chance. I should have taken that one moment left in time, to be with you when I had the chance. I can’t turn the hands of time anymore, but all I can do is keep pushing myself forward, no matter how hard the pain of letting you go is. You got me through so much, knowing that regret would catch to me at some point. If I had my chance to fly away, away from here and get to you before you’re time was called I would have done it.

You got me through the barricades and gave me the hope that I needed to not worry so much. You helped me keep her out of the dark light when she needed it, and even at the time I had lost my chance. Everyday I walk my paths to wherever I have to go bring a pile of regrets from the past that I’ve gotten over, but are still attached to me.

R.I.P. Friend Letter 3

I could write many letters and notes about how much I miss you, I could shed many tears about how much I wanted to see and be around you for one last time, but I’m not going to. I know I have to let you go one way or another, even if I want to hold on to the last memory of you, but won’t be able to. I know God has decided you bring you to a better place, where there is no pain alive and where you would be living a better life.

I’ll miss you and always remember you even when you least expect it, you’re probably up there walking around trying to fit in with everyone else being the amazing you that you are. Next thing you know you’re probably going to be looking down watching everyone else cope with you leaving forever, many sad and at the same time happy that you’re in a better place.