Walking Through Memory Lane

My mind has no character, my face has no mercy, my lips only have bitter sweetness written across it. My eyes and the way I look say I’m sweet but a hidden short temper will set off the ticker. Sadness can over come happiness that’s why its called depression, the world is reality not fairy tales.

People say they don’t believe in fairy tales anymore, because they want kids to begin seeing that life it reality full of heart breaks not little fairy tales where every girl is a princess that lives happily ever after with her prince. They say that because even they, themselves are stopping to believe in what the feeling of being young is while wanting to prove that we’re independent, and sometimes end up making the wrong decision because of curiosity.

Then, when we try to prove to others that we are independent, and they still don’t believe us as a result of what we’ve done in the past being kept in their mind as a record. That shows they have forgiven us but still don’t have any trust in us because of broken promises. Fairy tales are only good for wishes, but they show up to be true when you honestly never expect it. This is what happens when you attempt to avoid looking back at your past when you’re already happy. But even if you do all yo can to push it away you really can’t help it at all.

Past, Present, Future Take Your Pick

I always wonder if you could find someone who can love you better than I do. I always wonder if I’m really the one for you, or if you even deserve me or not. Half of me wants to be single, and the other half of me is happy being with you. But its nothing that you’ve done that’s throwing me into that position because the only reason why my mind and feelings are in that state on mind is because I need to find me.

I’ve already become sucked into societies sins of being envious, but its really not worth being envious if you can always appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have. Since you haven’t been around its hard to keep my head up high, I’ve been trying not to look at my past but it never helps. Every night I get nightmares of being dead, knowing that they’re only dreams that aren’t really going to happen, but every dream has a sign and meaning to it.

What were mine to be dead early? Its only your voice that soothes me and I love you more everyday, because of all the happiness that you’ve given me. Although I sometimes think that you don’t deserve me, and you could find someone else who could do better. Sometimes you won’t know how bad you’ve hurt someone, until you realize it, because they give you the hint, they try to tell you indirectly but you still don’t get it.

Love isn’t just as phase, its a feeling. A feeling that some people give up on when they’ve been on a road full of broken hearts and with their heart locked up in the darkness not letting anyone in to show them what real love is. What true love really means to be in love and show what it really feelings like to see that happiness in their sparkling eyes when their with that special person.

This Isn’t Real It’s Life

If I was a dream, if I was a wish, if I was a fantasy, the only words that would add up to it wouldn’t be the words that would make me smile it would be the words that would tear me up inside. It would be the worlds that would kill my smiles and pull me into darkness, it would be the words that I’ve always heard all my life. It would just be a repeat of the past, although some say the positive phrase on the way I look, I will always know that its never true.

You can tell me a thousand times about how beautiful I am, but that will never be true in my own eyes. I will always look in the mirror and wished I looked better than I do the same day. I never see the person that everyone sees, I never see that person that everyone loves, I just see the person that I’ve seen in the mirror for the last 19 years of my life.

I close my eyes, and I see a brand new day with sunshine but no hope. I close my eyes I fall through the stars, I close my eyes what light used to be there is always around every now and again. I close my eyes wishing the one person who’s so precious, so awesome, and so lovable in my eyes to be in my arms forever. I close my eyes to another day of colors, to where I could go and make the pictures, make the sounds that never leave my head.

I close my eyes to listen to the silence, I hear the wind from a fan the ticking of a clock, the talking of people in many places, if I was in a open setting of a classroom. I close my eyes and still hear music not from a phone, not from an ipod, and not from any kind of radio, but from people’s hearts. I listen to the crashing of the waves at the beach, I listen to the calling of the birds flying everywhere. I hear the laughter of children playing at the playgrounds, and the music from kids playing in there garages.

I smell the sweet taste of freedom, I smell the catchy feeling of fear, I smell mother nature doing its own work. I could feel fear crawling through my body if there was something wrong, I could feel it giving me chills taking away every ounce of hope in my body that I put up on wall staring me in the face. I watch it fade away as fear takes over my body, I watch it slowly fade into thin air.

I fall to the ground breathless, cold and numb. Its because of fear I lost the fight, its because of fear I had no light, its because of fear seeping through my veins, everything had turn topsy-turvy. One moment I have hope in my hands and angels at my back, and now from the time that fear stepped into my body. I have demons tearing away every inch of hope, and opportunity to get away from them. Locked in a mind control I can’t fight it, I hear the voices, the voices of every person telling me the opposite of what I should hear. Telling me I should go back to doing what I used to do, being the way I used to be.

A heart and a brain were the only two things every person can rely on apart from the sixth sense of instincts. My heart still beats but I can’t move, my heart still beats but I can’t speak, my heart still beats, but what am I to do? If I can’t move my body, if I can’t speak and throw my voice out there. I open my mouth but the words won’t walk out, my voice is silenced, my mind has shut down, and now all I see is pitch black.

Your Voice Within

Music is only famous because the people who made the songs wrote about how they feel. You’re musically inclined so let the ideas run and throw some words on paper, let your emotions flow through you’re on to paper let your ideas become words to make a song for your voice to be heard, do what you do best, and sing. Sing a song from your heart sing your emotions to the world and let the voice within your soul be heard, let your tainted chains set you free as your voice take your out from the shadows for that one moment in time. Enjoy it and take it to heart for you never know when you’ll get another chance to do it again.

This Is My Mind

Late nights fall short, early mornings run fast, mid-day kills the sun at the speed of light, as my eyes drift to darkness. They close and opens my mind to colorful dreams, both good and bad, all vibrant and graphic. All real and predicted, all caught in the moment to where I almost wake up crying, or scared lifeless. A young woman walks out every morning knowing that she shouldn’t but does it anyway. She runs, runs for her life, runs for that single moment where she can disappear.

She runs to clear her mind, and ran to save herself from the breakable. She ran to keep herself from her hallucinations, to keep herself from the flashbacks that appear in her dreams, that appear right in front of her when no one sees it. She’s quiet but lets out fire when people test her anger after warning them. She throws her mind in the sky watches every clouds appear to a shape in her eyes, she laughs when she needs a good laugh. The rainy whether she loves, but gets depressed when it lasts so long. She looks like she’s never going to give up, but each day she becomes stronger, and she becomes much more weaker.

She hears voices, looks around and sees nothing, she sees things that aren’t even there but tries to ignore it. Until she sees and feels someone watching her, she sees them from the corner of her eye, but when she completely turns to face them they disappear. She watches them from the corner of her eyes, as they appear from one place to another. She ignores it knowing that they don’t really exist, knowing that their not the angel that she’s wanting to talk to.

Every step she takes, every move she makes, and every breath she takes, she knows they’re following her everywhere she goes. She doesn’t know why, she doesn’t know where they come from, she doesn’t know who they are. She just knows they are around. She’s heard them because she’s seen them in different forms, she had seen them since she was a child, but never knew how it started. Never knew where they came from, never knew how any of this was started.

All she knows is whoever it is, is watching her every step and every move she makes. She longs to be free from this curse, from this simple and unbelievable thing that’s been stuck with her for years. She’s thought to be weird, thought to be off, thought to be the person that no one wants to be around. She been known for the predictable stupidity she does, and yet she learns from every mistake she makes, and still she’s judged for the same thing everyday.

She goes through the same judgment, knowing what will happen. She proves the same people wrong everyday and still they don’t believe her. She’s called  “a so called friend” only because of the way she acts from people. She loses her mind in seconds, she falls and still gets back up after every wound she’s scarred with. She walks like nothings wrong, keeping her chin up to get through the day. Her words have meaning to everything from life, but if you can’t understand it don’t bother, you think she’s fake, that’s just your opinion.

Her silence may never break, as her voice is shut, and her eyes are the only thing that speaks. She attempts to open her mouth but no words come out. She tries to talk, but can never spit the words out. She writes to let every emotion in her body out. When she can’t speak she writes, when she can’t write she looks at other places, when she can’t find herself, she drifts on the ocean horizon.

Where Did It All Go?

I feel like I can’t think, I feel like I’m losing my mind, I feel like there’s nothing left for me to fight for. Some of the voices in my head tell me to do wrong, and some of the voices in my head tell me to do right, my body feels weak, and I already feel tired. My mind is losing its hope but my heart is still beating strong. I feel like I’m slowly fading away, away from the present, away from everything as it falls to darkness from the light. Everything is crashing down, losing its right of way to move. Cars are wrecked to pieces, trees are falling a part bit by bit, and peoples death turns into ashes flying all over the world.

I’m lost

I’m sitting here staring at a blank white screen listening to music not knowing what to write. I had my inspiration come back for a few days, and now its disappeared again, and I can’t find it. I feel like I’m losing my touch to write anything at all. Every time I try to write something another distraction just pops in my head making me think knowing that I can’t think when it comes to writing at all. I’m lost for words I’m lost for expressions, I have a touch that’s disappearing. I miss feeling that happiness, I miss that feeling for sunshine. As I sit here staring at the screen not knowing what to even write at all. I feel like I lost my inspiration to do anything.