This Is My Mind

Late nights fall short, early mornings run fast, mid-day kills the sun at the speed of light, as my eyes drift to darkness. They close and opens my mind to colorful dreams, both good and bad, all vibrant and graphic. All real and predicted, all caught in the moment to where I almost wake up crying, or scared lifeless. A young woman walks out every morning knowing that she shouldn’t but does it anyway. She runs, runs for her life, runs for that single moment where she can disappear.

She runs to clear her mind, and ran to save herself from the breakable. She ran to keep herself from her hallucinations, to keep herself from the flashbacks that appear in her dreams, that appear right in front of her when no one sees it. She’s quiet but lets out fire when people test her anger after warning them. She throws her mind in the sky watches every clouds appear to a shape in her eyes, she laughs when she needs a good laugh. The rainy whether she loves, but gets depressed when it lasts so long. She looks like she’s never going to give up, but each day she becomes stronger, and she becomes much more weaker.

She hears voices, looks around and sees nothing, she sees things that aren’t even there but tries to ignore it. Until she sees and feels someone watching her, she sees them from the corner of her eye, but when she completely turns to face them they disappear. She watches them from the corner of her eyes, as they appear from one place to another. She ignores it knowing that they don’t really exist, knowing that their not the angel that she’s wanting to talk to.

Every step she takes, every move she makes, and every breath she takes, she knows they’re following her everywhere she goes. She doesn’t know why, she doesn’t know where they come from, she doesn’t know who they are. She just knows they are around. She’s heard them because she’s seen them in different forms, she had seen them since she was a child, but never knew how it started. Never knew where they came from, never knew how any of this was started.

All she knows is whoever it is, is watching her every step and every move she makes. She longs to be free from this curse, from this simple and unbelievable thing that’s been stuck with her for years. She’s thought to be weird, thought to be off, thought to be the person that no one wants to be around. She been known for the predictable stupidity she does, and yet she learns from every mistake she makes, and still she’s judged for the same thing everyday.

She goes through the same judgment, knowing what will happen. She proves the same people wrong everyday and still they don’t believe her. She’s called  “a so called friend” only because of the way she acts from people. She loses her mind in seconds, she falls and still gets back up after every wound she’s scarred with. She walks like nothings wrong, keeping her chin up to get through the day. Her words have meaning to everything from life, but if you can’t understand it don’t bother, you think she’s fake, that’s just your opinion.

Her silence may never break, as her voice is shut, and her eyes are the only thing that speaks. She attempts to open her mouth but no words come out. She tries to talk, but can never spit the words out. She writes to let every emotion in her body out. When she can’t speak she writes, when she can’t write she looks at other places, when she can’t find herself, she drifts on the ocean horizon.

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