Pitter Patter That’s All It Is

I close my eyes and pray as the tears run down my face, I hope to see the light and find my way out of this darkness. I’m slowly breaking down beneath this mask, as it builds up my walls to stop my fear, as I walk through the dark night sky, with my hands close together. Hoping that this nightmare would end, as it keeps repeating right before my eyes, I fall to the ground and curl up into a ball completely numb and unable to move.

In my mind, I wonder if you would even understand, in my mind, I wonder if anything that you say is believable anymore. Every time you tell me something its always doubtful, and why I even bother to process it in my brain, it never comes up to be true. When I try to think about the positive side of you, every memory of pain comes back to me. Every moment I knew that was good had turn pitch black evil. When you come into my mind you’re the shadow of my heart that slowly kills my every attempt to see the sunlight.

Have you ever felt like you started a mess and when you tried to fix it, everything just became worse? Have you ever thought, that you just wanted to be someone else? Have you ever wished that you fell off the face of the earth, or wished the worse things upon yourself rather than it happening to other people? Has people ever given you that look to make you feel like everything you did was wrong? It usually easy for people to judge you based on a first impression, when you’re caught in the wrong mood, but its not always that way, mostly just the way you are.

If you come off on a person in a negative way it just happens sometimes, you try not to let it happen but it happens on its own. Everything happens for a reason some of it is your fault and some of it isn’t your fault, but if others blame you for osmething that’s complete on their shoulders. If you made a mess of a situation that you tried to fix, because its your fault but everytime you fixed it only became worse.

Wanting to be someone else other than yourself isn’t always the best thing but you can only imagine yourself in their shoes. In the beginning people don’t tell you what they’re really going through because they don’t know you that well, nor do that have the complete trust in you with their life. You can’t trade yourself in for someone else but you can’ only make yourself better than you were before.

Darkness For Hope

At the bottom of every person’s cold heart, is a small white light that is waiting to grow. Leaves fall through the seasons, as the winds pass through the air, as winter slips through the cracks of our doors, windows, and chimneys. Each day we look forward to something different, and we fall back at the same time. We forget who were are for a second, and realize we made an action against what we really believe in.

I could run from you, I could hide from you, I could disappear from you, but why should I even bother hiding anymore. I’ve hidden for so long, I can’t even tell who I really am anymore. Every time I close my eyes, I see a brighter day whenever I talk to you. Every time I try to take off a mask, I can’t seem to rip it off, and even if I just ease it off my face, it stays stuck.

If I shall fall let me fall, to the fall where I can never stand. Let me fall to the black of nothing, the black of broken lies and promises. If I fail, let me feel the slap of pain hit me a thousand times everyday, to know that there’s always something, that can lift my lifeless body from the ground. I’m not broken, just chipped with A crack in the corner of my eye.

I thought I heard you say something, I thought I heard you say you wanted me around. Although I know your predictable lies, it makes no difference when you are telling the truth either. Doesn’t matter what you say, doesn’t matter how much you try to make me believe anything, they all just come up in lies. One thing I know is truth, I can never let you back in my life.

A crack in the eye, a scratch on the arms and a few cuts, with a bruise here or there, isn’t much but memorial scars of my worse nightmare. A painful expression is filled with nothing but lonesome painful thoughts, but still she sits in the night sky surrounded by darkness as she shines. She knows she still has the hope to live the next day.