There’s Always a Back Door

I wish people would give up on what they can’t get. I wish people would already just give up on me, knowing that I’ve already messed up to many times on anything. I always wished I could disappear I always wished I could just fade into thin air, and wonder what the world would be like without me.

If I never existed, I wonder how many people would act if they never met me, I wonder if I even matter to people who really care, if I never existed to keep the smile on their face. The same curve and held high with pride like nothing ever happened. I wish I was never even alive at all, because it doesn’t matter how hard I try to never fall back there’s always something that brings me right back.

The first time I saw you, I felt like I was home again. The first time I saw you, I felt like I was actually alive again. I never thought that this feeling would ever fly through a lock that closed itself from the world for a long time. When I lost my head I knew I left it somewhere, just never really knew where. When I turned numb to everything, I couldn’t see anything except darkness, and thinking there was always light at the end of every tunnel never really existed, and still don’t.

It doesn’t matter how many stars I could or how many stars I wish to wish upon nothing really ever happens to change how I look at things. The feeling of numbness and worthlessness are the two worst feelings that has ever existed in the world. I could fall flat on my face and just lay there, as time passes by, but I attempt not to no matter how difficult the lack of hope that falls over my head is.

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