Break Up Like a Boss

Yeah….it’s over. Bye!

So break ups are messy. Very, very messy. Like crying outside your window messy. Or running you over with their car messy. Or tiring you up and threatening to kill you messy. That can of messy. So how can you break up with a person and avoid all of those messes? Well…I will tell you.

  • First thing you have got to do if you decide you want to break up with someone, be it friend or lover, is plan it out. That means stopping to think about all possible escape routs if you do break up with them in person. Because once you says the words “I am breaking up with you”, you have to realize the other person will enter a state of emotional unbalance and you have best flee as fast as you possible can. You never know what their react could or can be. So plan it out. Which bring us to the second thing you should do. And that is…
  • Deciding if you even want to take the risks of breaking up with them in person or if you rather do it from the safety of your home. If you live alone please do not do it from your place. They could be outside and I doubt you have a plan on how to escape your own home. So go to a friend’s house. We all know you have an escape plan for their place. You know, for those just in case you have to break up with them moments. 
  • Once you have decided on location and communication method, you need to decide on the message itself. My advice would be to be as vague as possible. With sentences like “Oh you are wonderful and funny to be around” but also straight forward and truthful like “I hate your stupid guts and you suck”. You know because if you just told them it’s over and then walk away without wasting ten minutes to an hour of their lives. Well…. we can not really call it a break up now can we? Beside they might end up breaking up with you during this stage first which save you the trouble of doing the breaking up. 
And that’s how you break up like a boss. Any questions? None? Good! Now go out the and get your breaking up on you…

*P.s: This is a humorous piece not to be taken serious.*

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