Little Bird’s War Cry

xenaNo more boxes, no more limits, no more shadows, no more. It’s all out in the air. Everyone wants to hear a screaming person, loud angry person, everyone wants to see a person who’s letting all their emotions out physically, and yet I’m still asked to be happy for myself. The one time I do something for an outlet everyone gets scared and assumes a tirade of emotional screaming written on paper is about them because they feel like the shoe fits. When all the tirade is a self-venting tirade. I made obvious images, names warnings and sentences clear as day yet no one still understands at all. LOST is the name of an alternative personality that’s been kept in a box, for years when I had no one that was by my side, and when I wasn’t needed then I gently place LOST in a damn lock box but LOST heard all my weakness calling and prying for control to be taken.

I am the damn LITTLE BIRD. I am the LITTLE BIRD that’s CAGED. I NEVER DRAGGED names through the mud because of feelings to the ground. Because I screamed it on the screen to be sure that people understood what my outlet is what I’m good at. I REFUSE to talk to people because if writing is an outlet that RELEASES me from the FEAR enough that I have a FIGHT left to give to trap LOST an ALTERNATE PERSONALITY. But honestly, who gives a damn? Because it’s always been LITTLE BIRD you need to SCREAM, LITTLE BIRD you need to CRY IT OUT, no I don’t because I NEED to WRITE IT OUT.

Yet all of you still seem to think it’s not going to help. WRITING has gotten me through my ENTIRE life for 16 years and still I’m being denied WRITING because I HURT PEOPLE’S FEELINGS FOR EXPRESSING MY OWN. Why the hell are any of you friends with me if you’re forcing me to verbalize things that can be written down and solved. If you were the shoe and it fits IT DOESN’T mean, IT’S about YOU NONE of these BLOGS were ever WRITTEN ABOUT PEOPLE unless they NEEDED to be. I SCREAM through WORDS on PAPER FASTER THAN I DO VERBALLY CAUSE EVERYONE THIS I’M UNHAPPY, WHEN I’VE BEEN HOLDING OUT STRONG FOR MYSELF SINCE I HAD TO. You ASKED me to CRY so HEAR ME CRY through the screen.

I EXPRESS non verbally, I’VE PROVED to be DAMN GOOD at THIS already even SOME of YOU said it. IF THIS is NOT something that HELPS YOU, but it HELPS ME LET ME FUCKING write MYSELF OUT. I SHOW I’m STRONG, and still TOLD that I’m NOT SHOWING I’m better. NO, it’s not that I’m SHOWING you I’m BETTER I’m HAPPY. YOU don’t WANT to see ME WALK out of my MENTAL BOX, so YOU continue to PUSH it. I DON’T cry I have NO NEED to do THAT, since THAT is what MOVIES are for. I am NOT a VICTIM I am DOING what I do to EXPRESS WHO I AM. I am BEING a FUCKING human, I am SHOWING every DAMN EMOTION. WHY even BOTHER SUGGESTING things that HELP YOU instead of LETTING ME handle this MY WAY.

I STAND UP for MYSELF and EVERYONE THINKS I’m DEPRESSED, I’m SAD. I KNOW I’ve SAID things that should NEVER be said, but I’M not FLIPPING switches, I’M NOT SITTING in PLACES CRYING, I’m NOT SCREAMING I’m NOT YELLING for FUCK SAKES Let me WRITE this SHIT OUT if YOU get GODDAMN OFFENDED there’s the FUCKING DOOR, I LACK any FUCKS GIVEN to all of YOU. My HEART is BUSTED and BENT, and STILL I CHOOSE to GLOW MY HAPPY ass SINGING and WRITING. Because I don’t THINK about DEATH, I FEEL EMPTY, but I FILL my HEART with POSITIVE ACHIEVEMENTS to SMILE again and DO BETTER things.

What MAKES this SAD, is that half the time YOU know I’m NOT ME. But you DON’T REALIZE if it’s NOT ME, it’s LOST who’s talking to you. Which is WHY I SAID in Little Bird’s Imprisonment YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO TELL WHO YOU ARE TALKING TOO, YOU WILL ONLY SEE A FACE.

Am I still in DENIAL? OR are YOU in DENIAL for THINGS I’VE been WORKING on. I HAVE so few people WHO UNDERSTAND, but ONE in SPECIFIC who UNDERSTANDS all of it. SHE is the ONE PERSON who’s GIVEN me POSITIVE VIBES enough TO GLOW as much as I HAVE been to be that BETTER ME. Little Bird’s Imprisonment WAS NOT an ATTACK, now HEAR my WAR CRY.

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