I wish I could just tap out, take a break and breathe. I wish my mind wasn’t something that’s ways killing my spirit, my motivation. If sleep was my best friend right now that’s exactly what I would be doing right now but that’s not the case. You keep a happy face to everyone to make yourself believe that it’s okay you’ll make it. When in reality you want to go on a rampage, to break anything and everything you get your hands on to let you your own anger so you leave it to burn your heart. When you feel like your body is crying in pain, knowing how exhausted you are from lack of sleep to trying to make it to the next paycheck not only to live but to help yourself in the long term. Everyone has a complicated story, no one has it simple. No one has a silver spoon with their name on it nor are their any kind of wooden spoons either.
If you had everything done for you, then you were considered lucky, but at the same time if became more difficult for you in the long term where things would seem to go wrong later on because you didn’t know what you were doing, as far as everything having being done for you. Where did the time go when mental exhaustion has reached its limits, where when wanting to rest was more or a leisure, than a desire to do so. When did feeling like your feet were on fire, ever feel different from having to take breaks for a bit.
Chamomile an aromatic European plant of the daisy family, with white and yellow daisy-like flowers. It can help benefits anybody’s daily life with sleep, allergies such as hay fever, skin disorders, ulcers and many more. I used to drink Chamomile tea to help with PMS symptoms and it help a lot, now as for sleep, I usually stayed awake so to me that wasn’t really successful in my opinion. Sometimes trying different flavors of tea products help, and sometimes it won’t work but it’s based on you as a person. Some people have experienced negative effects such as vomiting, upset stomachs, heartburn, and other effects from having chamomile mixed with other supplemental products.
Most people recommend drinking tea because when you’re drinking liquids they are consumed much faster rather than only digesting them orally. Example drinking water can hydrate the body faster than only eating foods because water helps your entire system build its immunity to disease. Yes, eating healthy foods is a plus, having a well-balanced food and liquid intake is always best.
I recommend drinking Chamomile Tea’s from branded images below
Sometimes having caffeine free drinks are also a benefit with the product itself so that you don’t feel as if you have those sluggish or lethargic moments. Usually caffeine free products when it come to drinking them at night helps make you fall asleep faster compared to those that do have caffeine in them. Most people recommend having 4 cups throughout the day and after meals, but that amount could vary based on the person.
Please forgive me, please be patient with me, please don’t give up on me just yet. Please forgive me, I don’t mean to be all alone in my head, it’s the only way I know I can fight my own battles. Please don’t give up on me just yet, I don’t mean to subconsciously be alone in my head, because that’s all I know how to deal with my clouded thoughts and anxiety. I don’t talk about it with people because they won’t understand. I keep myself busy because I refuse to have my head running around with anxiety trying to confuse me, trying to bring me down, trying to make me cry, trying to make me panic. I don’t talk to anyone about it because it’s not something that’s easy to say hey I have anxiety, because I don’t need opinions about my faith to God being questioned on what I’m thankful for, or if I really listen to him. I ask for forgiveness in wishing death because that’s the only thing that’s kept me alive besides prayers.
I admit I’ve had my moments where I’ve left scars on myself in the past but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to do it again. I don’t worry to be a perfectionist, I don’t have OCD on certain ways because all those have become routines to me. You tell me it’s all in my head thinking if I keep telling myself I can’t do something that it’s not going to happen. When I force myself to step out of my comfort zone everyday, I hate mornings but I force myself to do it. I hate myself in so many ways that my insecurities break my motivation. I have motivation, it lasts temporarily but it grows. My insecurities are all I hate about myself, similar to what you hate about yourself. We’re opposites but we love what we hate about each other anyway.
I can never say I love myself. Satisfaction is something that I refuse to settle with, because being alone in my own head is already difficult enough, and still climbing up to the level where I know I need to learn to share my head again, is going to be difficult. Since I had told myself I won’t share my head until I have myself built up. I shouldn’t have to explain how it works, because anxiety is something that has to be seen it can’t always be explained. So please forgive me if I seem rattled or confused at times, because I will zone out mentally and not realize it or I will zone out and I will know it but I would constantly blink my eyes to avoid the blur especially in a vehicle that is always the scariest part of driving.
Have you ever suffered through a voice screaming in your head everyday. It screams at you every second of the day from when you open your eyes to when you close your eyes at night. From the time you start to communicate with people until the time you have to communicate with yourself. So please forgive me if I seem so quiet when I used to talk so much, most of my energy was taken to pull myself out of bed. Please forgive me if I’m being a sluggish turtle, I wake up with a voice screaming in my head and a heartbeat to headache moods. So please forgive me if I’m more forward with my personality rather than my emotions, I’ve been told too many times to sugarcoat all my words. Please forgive me if I don’t seem like myself, and if I seem to be someone else because I don’t act like who I usually am. Please forgive me if I snap at you when you seem so shallow.
Let me pick your brain and take you somewhere unimaginable. Let me take you somewhere where you see pictures that will relax you. Let me pick your brain and tell you something surprising, let me pick your brain and let me blow your mind. You’ve lost your way, let me help you find it. Let the rush of the wind take you to another world. Hey you, yes you, the one who’s reading this, you have a goal right? You have a dream you want to come true right? So…What’s stopping you? Loss of inspiration? Loss of motivation? Not sure what to talk about or how to start? What keeps you in your bubble? Don’t be afraid to try something new. Go ahead try something new, do something that scares you the most something that would keep you as a person going to reach your goal. Let me pick your brain and open those path ways that you’ve never seen before.
What do you do, when you’re stuck in a feeling that keeps you at a low point. How do you change it. What do you do when that feeling hits you hard, how do you stop that feeling that hurts you mentally emotionally and physically. That feeling that stops you from wanting to do everything you really want to do but can’t. Do you ever turn out that pain that makes you feel constantly sad but you hold it in so hard eventually you know you’re going to break and when you break down you try not to break down in a public place or you try to break down where no one can see you no one can hear you where your secluded from everybody else your secluded from the world completely.
A video about the blog and what vibe Pen and Paper can bring you. Special thanks to Mike Jaja of Galleries by Jaja. This was an experience that is something you’d want to do again.
Youtube channel: JajasMike
I miss you, I really do miss you. I miss that smile across your face, I miss that curve of your smile every time you looked in the mirror. I miss you, I really do, I miss that glow in your eyes that light up your face, to make it brighter light the city lights, and those light are really dang bright. I miss you, I really do. I miss those times you would never stop laughing, those times that you never cared if a joke is bad or not it just sounded funny as it sounded. I miss you, I really do. I miss the way you used to look at yourself in the mirror without caring for those proportions, to make your you have that bone covered up with some meat, or that portion of your skin covered up with some thickness. I miss you, I really do. I miss how you used to wake up and you already knew it was a good day, after a nightmare, a happy dream, or a past experience.
I miss you, I really do. I miss hearing you say you can eat whatever you want, and not regret it at all. I miss you, I really do. I miss seeing you just walk away from arguments that were a waste of your time. I miss you, I really do. I miss seeing you just enjoying moments in time frames. I miss you, I really do. I miss seeing your smile through your laughter. I miss you, really do. I miss hearing the happiness in your voice. I miss you, I really do. I miss the fact you didn’t give up on your dreams. I miss you, I really do. I miss how you never cared about perfection, ever cared about being too skinny, too thick, too muscular.
You just cared about how you were comfortable in your own skin. I miss you, I really do. I miss how you would be able to take the day without having to worry about the stresses that would block your way. I miss you, I really do. I miss your innocent face that changed the world one day at a time. I miss you, really do. I miss your crazy self. I miss you, I really do. So be a better you, than who you were yesterday. I miss you, I really do. That’s you who you were, you were me.
If the world was a perfect place we wouldn’t be having the mistakes and mishaps we have, if life was easy we wouldn’t be having the broken pieces and difficulties lapsing together one after another. Life isn’t perfect, it would seem like it form how hard you’ve worked. We always have a thought that we could keep going as far as we go thinking it’s never going to end. Lives a bowl of cheerios, who cares not really anyone, we all have different views, but never agree on anything. It’s always and agree to disagree situations. If you know me well enough you know that I could see right through you and nothing would stop me when I tell to you the truth that you can’t even handle it; I can’t help you from that point on. It sounds like a personal problem if you can’t handle things yourself but expect everyone else to do it for you.
If you have to wait for someone to complain to you about how mess something is then you know you’ve already lost your credibility as to being trusted. No one will have the patience to sit around and wait for you to understand what is professional and unprofessional. No one will waste their time and energy on a person who’s not only lost a credible reputation but also trust itself, because for something to be kept stable and continuing you have to be able to not rough up any edges.