Little Bird’s War Cry

xenaNo more boxes, no more limits, no more shadows, no more. It’s all out in the air. Everyone wants to hear a screaming person, loud angry person, everyone wants to see a person who’s letting all their emotions out physically, and yet I’m still asked to be happy for myself. The one time I do something for an outlet everyone gets scared and assumes a tirade of emotional screaming written on paper is about them because they feel like the shoe fits. When all the tirade is a self-venting tirade. I made obvious images, names warnings and sentences clear as day yet no one still understands at all. LOST is the name of an alternative personality that’s been kept in a box, for years when I had no one that was by my side, and when I wasn’t needed then I gently place LOST in a damn lock box but LOST heard all my weakness calling and prying for control to be taken.

I am the damn LITTLE BIRD. I am the LITTLE BIRD that’s CAGED. I NEVER DRAGGED names through the mud because of feelings to the ground. Because I screamed it on the screen to be sure that people understood what my outlet is what I’m good at. I REFUSE to talk to people because if writing is an outlet that RELEASES me from the FEAR enough that I have a FIGHT left to give to trap LOST an ALTERNATE PERSONALITY. But honestly, who gives a damn? Because it’s always been LITTLE BIRD you need to SCREAM, LITTLE BIRD you need to CRY IT OUT, no I don’t because I NEED to WRITE IT OUT.

Yet all of you still seem to think it’s not going to help. WRITING has gotten me through my ENTIRE life for 16 years and still I’m being denied WRITING because I HURT PEOPLE’S FEELINGS FOR EXPRESSING MY OWN. Why the hell are any of you friends with me if you’re forcing me to verbalize things that can be written down and solved. If you were the shoe and it fits IT DOESN’T mean, IT’S about YOU NONE of these BLOGS were ever WRITTEN ABOUT PEOPLE unless they NEEDED to be. I SCREAM through WORDS on PAPER FASTER THAN I DO VERBALLY CAUSE EVERYONE THIS I’M UNHAPPY, WHEN I’VE BEEN HOLDING OUT STRONG FOR MYSELF SINCE I HAD TO. You ASKED me to CRY so HEAR ME CRY through the screen.

I EXPRESS non verbally, I’VE PROVED to be DAMN GOOD at THIS already even SOME of YOU said it. IF THIS is NOT something that HELPS YOU, but it HELPS ME LET ME FUCKING write MYSELF OUT. I SHOW I’m STRONG, and still TOLD that I’m NOT SHOWING I’m better. NO, it’s not that I’m SHOWING you I’m BETTER I’m HAPPY. YOU don’t WANT to see ME WALK out of my MENTAL BOX, so YOU continue to PUSH it. I DON’T cry I have NO NEED to do THAT, since THAT is what MOVIES are for. I am NOT a VICTIM I am DOING what I do to EXPRESS WHO I AM. I am BEING a FUCKING human, I am SHOWING every DAMN EMOTION. WHY even BOTHER SUGGESTING things that HELP YOU instead of LETTING ME handle this MY WAY.

I STAND UP for MYSELF and EVERYONE THINKS I’m DEPRESSED, I’m SAD. I KNOW I’ve SAID things that should NEVER be said, but I’M not FLIPPING switches, I’M NOT SITTING in PLACES CRYING, I’m NOT SCREAMING I’m NOT YELLING for FUCK SAKES Let me WRITE this SHIT OUT if YOU get GODDAMN OFFENDED there’s the FUCKING DOOR, I LACK any FUCKS GIVEN to all of YOU. My HEART is BUSTED and BENT, and STILL I CHOOSE to GLOW MY HAPPY ass SINGING and WRITING. Because I don’t THINK about DEATH, I FEEL EMPTY, but I FILL my HEART with POSITIVE ACHIEVEMENTS to SMILE again and DO BETTER things.

What MAKES this SAD, is that half the time YOU know I’m NOT ME. But you DON’T REALIZE if it’s NOT ME, it’s LOST who’s talking to you. Which is WHY I SAID in Little Bird’s Imprisonment YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO TELL WHO YOU ARE TALKING TOO, YOU WILL ONLY SEE A FACE.

Am I still in DENIAL? OR are YOU in DENIAL for THINGS I’VE been WORKING on. I HAVE so few people WHO UNDERSTAND, but ONE in SPECIFIC who UNDERSTANDS all of it. SHE is the ONE PERSON who’s GIVEN me POSITIVE VIBES enough TO GLOW as much as I HAVE been to be that BETTER ME. Little Bird’s Imprisonment WAS NOT an ATTACK, now HEAR my WAR CRY.

Missing Grit

grit

How does the world work when everything is grasped by you. When you’re near the end of the line, you’re almost there but you’re not completely there yet. How does the world work when you’ve gotten yourself together faster than your mind can comprehend. How does the world work when everything looks as if it’s a normal routine that you do with your eyes close, and then you forget it’s something that you’ve been practicing for years and only appears to be normal to you, and seems like a more confident you to other people. A “New You” that people seem to be more proud of than the “Old You.” What they don’t see is that “You” are still the same person only improved and toughened up through all the struggles.

People ask, “Where have you been?” You replied to them, “Struggling.” They wonder why since all you do is enter a few sentences here and there, or enter a few words here and there it should only take no longer but a day right? No, no it doesn’t it doesn’t take a day for a website or words on a website to be up and running. If it only took a day to put together a website then everyone would be doing it and have money being made non-stop.

It is impossible to meet a person half way? You know if you’re going to have trouble with something and people are offering to help you then take the opportunity and make it work, because you can only do so much for someone to prove it. If  you cannot meet me halfway with it then let me know, so I can stop putting effort into it. If you really want something bad enough to become rewarded for your efforts show the gratitude by advancing and improving in yourself.

So people can see that you’re reliable and not make any excuses, since all excuses that you’ve given me has always had some sort of solution. I only asked a few questions, “Can you make it? Are you sure, since this is a commitment for class,” and if you say yes make it happen then. If you say no, then you’ve lost your opportunity for help from one person. We started this as a group, and we all agreed to meet half way for every person to make it easy. But I do not see where you’ve done your part. There’s only so much chances you can give people until they realize it’s over only to have them know that you’ve stood them up for an opportunity that you’ve been asking for, and not returned the thanks for it.

If there’s something that’s stopping you from getting there and there’s no solution. I can understand that, but if there is a solution to every reason that you give, there is no excuse for it at all. Where’s that courage you said that you have? Where’s that confidence you said that you would show, we’ve been though how to have grit to manage and put out all your grit into effort to pass.

That same amount of effort, time, and energy you’ve used to complain about everything is the same amount of time, effort and energy you could have used into pull yourself together. You’re all about being blessed for what is given to you, but you don’t really show that you’re blessed. No, I’m not making assumptions, but tell me at any point of your complaining did you think about the things you could have done better rather than the things you have yet to do, or rather than the things that you have piled up. You keep talking about how you need certain things, but you cannot even decided on what you really want to keep yourself focused where is your self- motivation?

Be Honest

Dear self I have come this week to talk about where we when wrong last week. It is our weekly session. So? Where did I go wrong? Were did we go wrong? Talk let’s be honest.

The truth of the matter is that we forgot to do one of the blog post for that day due to the fact we had somewhere to go and it lasted all day and when we returned the was no more time left to do a post. That discouraged us since our goal was to do a post a day and because we failed in that we became weak of spirit. This is the honest truth of what happened last week when it came to our blog. As you can see it is discouragement that cause us to stop working and preserving on. so lesson for this week my dear self  is that you are capable of losing hope when things do not go your way. So learn to not lose hope or you will not make it very far and will be unable to complete the work/goals you set out for your self. So take encouragement and try not to lose hope but if you does forgive yourself because no one is perfect in all that they do the first time that they start. It took ninety nine tries for the light ball to be created after all. So forgive yourself and accept the fact that this is not going to be easy and life will happen but that is no reason to give up hope. 

Thank you myself for this talk. See you next week and this time the lesson we learned this week will not be forgotten.

How America can solve its debt problem

 

Dear future children of mine today I have a lesson for you. And that lesson is to never own a debt to anyone that you are incapable of paying of. However, if you do find yourself in a large debt here is what you can do. Listen well for eventually a loaner always come back to collect. So let me tell you of a tale of a country called America where I live in and which is capable of releasing themselves of debt before it is too late and the other countries they own a debt to come to collect.

Once upon a time the was a country called America who were rich in natural resources and other wealth. This country became great and big and tall. However because this country became great and big and tall it needed a lot of things or rather it thought it needed a lot of things. So it borrowed money from others and placed itself in debt and boy was its debt great. Now this country had three choices. One asked for a debt forgiveness from its debtors and forgive the debts of the other countries whose debts it own. Two try to figure out a way to lower its own bit by bit. Or three do the first two for a short period of time. Now the best choice is the last choice the third choice for it is the best choice. So how could America be able to lower it debt by this third choice?

By stating that it is in debt and that the debt is large and asking it debtors for a grace period to lower said debt to a reasonable size. Once that is done the next step is to figure out a way to lower its own debt bit by bit by doing it state by state with a program were the citizens and businesses give up a small percent of their income willingly to go towards the reduction of the debt in their states for a time being. In other words cut down on the luxuries, cut down on the big this and big that and focus on only living with in their means and cutting down on making large profits for businesses. At first this might seem impossible after all the debt ceiling is so high and so large how can it be escaped? Well this is that possibility. The means for which to survive the upcoming economic burst. It the best way to make it through the storm for this country and other countries like it who have gotten themselves in great debt.

This my future children is how to get out of debt by cutting down on things that are not needed, putting away the pleasures, the greed and focusing on the task at hand. Realizing that the latest this or that is not going to help you through a debt it is better to bear your shame as a poor person and escape becoming enslaved then to be prideful and put yourself in a hole you later find you can not escape out of. A hole that leads to war and destruction. That is the lesson for today.

Keep Going

 

Businessman overworked at office

So I have not been on here because I was learning things. Things that I needed to learn. And you know what I learned? I learn that you don’t have to do everything yourself. That you should listen to your body when it can no longer go on anymore and you should ask for help. Those around you are willing to help so if you need help simply ask. Ask for a little break, a little resting period then once you got that bit of rest get up again and continued. Before you know it the task that had appeared impossible before is now done. But listen to your body. You only have one. And to your family there is only one of you and you are irreplaceable. So take care of your self.