Milk

save the date

The was once a girl

A girl with the biggest heart

She had lots to do

Because she thought a lot

She wanted to save the world

She wanted to be a superhero

Like the boy she once knew who saved the world

However in his doing so he died and the girl wept

For what the boy died for was being destroyed

So the girl decided to become a superhero

However, being a superhero by oneself was no good

So the girl took in a breath and asked for help

Asked for help from her family and her friends

From strangers too

Because the girl wanted the boy dreams to come true

He saw something wroth saving in the world

And she saw something worthy in his dream

So the girl became a superhero with her friends and family and strangers too

And the world was save and the boy who had died returned again and he was happy

For he was a superhero with many gifts and death held no hold on him

So he lived again

But he was alone in saving the world

It was a lot of work

The girl saw that

Now he is not alone anymore and they lieved happily ever after

Listen

Have a blessed Ramadan! (1)

Please forgive me, please be patient with me, please don’t give up on me just yet. Please forgive me, I don’t mean to be all alone in my head, it’s the only way I know I can fight my own battles. Please don’t give up on me just yet, I don’t mean to subconsciously be alone in my head, because that’s all I know how to deal with my clouded thoughts and anxiety. I don’t talk about it with people because they won’t understand. I keep myself busy because I refuse to have my head running around with anxiety trying to confuse me, trying to bring me down, trying to make me cry, trying to make me panic. I don’t talk to anyone about it because it’s not something that’s easy to say hey I have anxiety, because I don’t need opinions about my faith to God being questioned on what I’m thankful for, or if I really listen to him. I ask for forgiveness in wishing death because that’s the only thing that’s kept me alive besides prayers.

I admit I’ve had my moments where I’ve left scars on myself in the past but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to do it again. I don’t worry to be a perfectionist, I don’t have OCD on certain ways because all those have become routines to me. You tell me it’s all in my head thinking if I keep telling myself I can’t do something that it’s not going to happen. When I force myself to step out of my comfort zone everyday, I hate mornings but I force myself to do it. I hate myself in so many ways that my insecurities break my motivation. I have motivation, it lasts temporarily but it grows. My insecurities are all I hate about myself, similar to what you hate about yourself. We’re opposites but we love what we hate about each other anyway.

I can never say I love myself. Satisfaction is something that I refuse to settle with, because being alone in my own head is already difficult enough, and still climbing up to the level where I know I need to learn to share my head again, is going to be difficult. Since I had told myself I won’t share my head until I have myself built up. I shouldn’t have to explain how it works, because anxiety is something that has to be seen it can’t always be explained. So please forgive me if I seem rattled or confused at times, because I will zone out mentally and not realize it or I will zone out and I will know it but I would constantly blink my eyes to avoid the blur especially in a vehicle that is always the scariest part of driving.

Have you ever suffered through a voice screaming in your head everyday. It screams at you every second of the day from when you open your eyes to when you close your eyes at night. From the time you start to communicate with people until the time you have to communicate with yourself. So please forgive me if I seem so quiet when I used to talk so much, most of my energy was taken to pull myself out of bed. Please forgive me if I’m being a sluggish turtle, I wake up with a voice screaming in my head and a heartbeat to headache moods. So please forgive me if I’m more forward with my personality rather than my emotions, I’ve been told too many times to sugarcoat all my words. Please forgive me if I don’t seem like myself, and if I seem to be someone else because I don’t act like who I usually am. Please forgive me if I snap at you when you seem so shallow.

Take Yourself Back

self

How do you do it? How do you stay calm when so many people have done you wrong? Think about it, you yourself aren’t a saint either. How you do the dirt you do, and ask how do you do it when someone else has done the same? A reaction is to an action right? So how do you stay so calm, when people yell at you? You don’t say anything at all until they’re done. How do you not retaliate back when the first thing you want to do to is just that. You don’t, let them have it they way, we always say karma is a bitch, so let them have their way and karma will come back to them. When you’re the person who reacts differently than what the other person expects, they don’t know what their next move is because they’re stuck. It’s like getting a checkmate in chess your opponent is stuck and has no more strategies left to work from to turn the tables.

Life is like a bowl of Cheerios, who the hell cares? Only you do, you, will care about yourself before someone else begins to care about you. You will love yourself before someone else loves you. If your confidence and character intimidates people, it’s because they don’t know what good is hidden under being unbroken. Some reality TV shows will tell you that if you’re in a situation and you feel like someone’s doing you wrong or you’re doing them wrong, don’t make an argument out of it because then that’s what causes them to deny it, let them do it peacefully. Then it will show in the light just like karma always does. If one day their deed comes to light and you see it, don’t show them you’re upset about it, because you know you’re already the fool, but don’t show the world you’re that fool. Show the world that you’re that confidence, unintimidated smile, that personality that changes the way people think about you and don’t forget to wear your heart on your sleeve.

But the most important think is take yourself back. Remember that confidence, that unintimidated smiles, that personality that changes the way people think about you and that heart on your sleeve that you need to wear. That’s you, that was you before they walked in and that will be you again when they walk out on you. That will be you when they ghost on you and that will continue to be you when they see you again. Whether you like it or not they will come back, doesn’t matter if it’s just to be there, if it’s to want you back, but they will come back, and you’re going to tell them no. No you won’t go back to relive that same situation, no, you won’t let you’re guard down for someone who’s from your past unless they are willing to make amends with you to ask for forgiveness.

How do you do it? How do you stay calm when so many people have done you wrong? Kill them with kindness, be the bigger person, and tell yourself it’s okay, I will get mind and karma will give them there’s. Remember karma is always there, and if they see you doing better than them, then you keep going no matter what because your progress will truly display to them if they really need you or not. Words are just words, actions are only actions, so if their reaction to your action is surprised and different from what they would really expect you to do. Then congratulations you’ve accomplish smoothing over your pain and turning it to a progress of positive vibes.

Once you let them know that you let their negative spirit under your skin then you’ve shown they and everyone else that you’re the other person, you’re the fool and you made yourself look more like a fool. So don’t do any of that be positive that’s all you can be, and truly be the most confident person you can be. Be a damn warrior and take yourself back forget everything else with the upset moods and all do that for a day and start working on you. Take whoever you are back, you never know they may come for you again and when you say no to them because they’ve proven to do the same thing again let them go and don’t take them back because you will not allow yourself to go through another path of unhappiness, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Take you back.

We Wear A Mask

 

mask

We wear a mask, a mask that can only us for the day as we realize our true self is not to he visible to people. We wear a mask to hide our emotions from the general public to disappear from the criticism that is instilled upon us. We wear a mask that other’s fear, but we see no changes in personalities. The mask that we wear earns all the love from people, but none of that same love is shown to our true self. If we were to reveal our true-selves away from the mask all that love that was earned would quickly die away. We wear a mask that would fulfill the pleasure in the eyes of the judges but none of those pleasures are to please the eye of the beholder. We mask we wear is a new mask every old mask takes the day of cracks and wreckage of war pulled to screw us over. No each mask keeps us from falling off the bridge we seek to reach but truly reach it with pure true self. We wear a mask to shelter our pain, to keep our judging mouths to a minimum. We wear a mask to stop killing joke that never sounds funny. We wear a mask to hide our kindness to protest our weakness but mistaken it for spite instead of strength. We wear a mask until it becomes part of us, a mask that never really reveal the darkest secret and the scarcity of our lives.

We wear a mask to ride the killing joke, to follow the world’s broken trends. We wear a mask to lose ourselves in what we do. A mask to forget who we truly are. We wear a mask to pull ourselves out of the graves that’s been buried six feet under our hate and wretchedness. We wear a mask that throws our a fishing line to hide our anger from the next victim to pass on what we’ve been given although the next victim never deserves it. We wear a mask that pulls a man’s heart out of the depths of darkness, as a woman whose purified and broken descends from the heaven. “Did it hurt when you fell from the sky?” Ask the man from the darkness, no the woman says. “But it does hurt when you touch me at all, you’re words or unkind and whatever poison ales you must be released to be full hearted again. You’re mask is already broken and your emotions are dripping through similar to blood.” You attempt to take the old mask off but it refuses. It sinks into your skin, it remains apart of you, so a new mask you put on, and another mask and another mask and another final mask is put on. But still no sense of the true self-given any love.

Every crack, every stain, every bruise and whole give to these masks are the results of war. Every time wasted and effort blown up to the nothingness, was thrown back into the hole that plunge six feet under. We wear a mask to ride the perfect storm of a broken societal prophecy that’s been given to us.

We masked our faces for the given templates we continue to anger and hate what is uncontrollable, but what can still be controlled continues to be hated and angered towards us. Throw a few needles it lights a fire in a haystack. Skip a few rocks and trip into the river, have a few good shots and land behind a dumpster. We wear masks to hide our emotions, to hide are broken feelings. We wear masks to hide our defenses from those who think they seem to know us. We wear a mask, a mask that can only us for the day as we realize our true self is not to he visible to people.

High Spirits and Low Pains

spirit

Drown yourself, that’s what they say, you have nothing to live for. Drown yourself, that’s what they say, you have nothing left to keep up with. Drown yourself, that’s what they say, no one wants anything to do with you. Drown yourself, that’s what they say, there’s nothing that will change people’s minds to see you as a good person. Drown yourself, that’s what they say, happiness isn’t what you need since you’re a lost cause. Drown yourself, that’s what they say, you have nothing and you are nothing. Drown yourself that’s what they say because there is noting in your life to be worth living for. Drown yourself, that’s what they say, you mean nothing to them. Drown yourself, that’s what they say, nothing will ever go right for you. Drown yourself, your not a thrill for people as a person anymore. Drown yourself, that’s what they said, you’re both meaningless and hopeless. Drown yourself, that’s what those voices say, but yet I’m still here looking at myself wondering why am I bothered with at all?

Fall apart, that’s what they want, they don’t know your strength or weakness. they don’t know that you do belong some where, they don’t see the love that’s wrapped around you, the love that’s brought you so far from the dark areas of your life. Fall apart, that’s what they want to see, down goes all of your happiness, down goes all of your smiles, down goes all of the hard work that you’ve done to accomplish in everything you’ve fought for. Fall apart, that’s what they want, up goes all the pain that you’ve gained. Built up stronger all the pain and anger that you have growing on you. Build it high, all the pain inside, that fiery hate you have starting to light red. Burn all the good things that you’ve ever known, burn all the memories that’s brought you to a good place. Burn it all, that’s what they want, that’s what all the voices say.

They don’t know you, they think they do. They don’t want to see you successful, they don’t want to see you be happy, they don’t want  to see you be a better person. They want you to fall, fall apart and drown yourself, they want to you break down to pieces and not be able to come back strong.

Spring Break

I…
    ….. dream of spring
             ……..of dancing in the ocean blue
I….
    …..dream of laughter
                   …….of sunlight illuminating my skin
I…
     ….dream of ice creams
                    ….of long endless roads
I…
     ……dream of the out doors
                    …..of a star filled sky
I…
    …..dream of spring break