Missing Grit

grit

How does the world work when everything is grasped by you. When you’re near the end of the line, you’re almost there but you’re not completely there yet. How does the world work when you’ve gotten yourself together faster than your mind can comprehend. How does the world work when everything looks as if it’s a normal routine that you do with your eyes close, and then you forget it’s something that you’ve been practicing for years and only appears to be normal to you, and seems like a more confident you to other people. A “New You” that people seem to be more proud of than the “Old You.” What they don’t see is that “You” are still the same person only improved and toughened up through all the struggles.

People ask, “Where have you been?” You replied to them, “Struggling.” They wonder why since all you do is enter a few sentences here and there, or enter a few words here and there it should only take no longer but a day right? No, no it doesn’t it doesn’t take a day for a website or words on a website to be up and running. If it only took a day to put together a website then everyone would be doing it and have money being made non-stop.

It is impossible to meet a person half way? You know if you’re going to have trouble with something and people are offering to help you then take the opportunity and make it work, because you can only do so much for someone to prove it. If  you cannot meet me halfway with it then let me know, so I can stop putting effort into it. If you really want something bad enough to become rewarded for your efforts show the gratitude by advancing and improving in yourself.

So people can see that you’re reliable and not make any excuses, since all excuses that you’ve given me has always had some sort of solution. I only asked a few questions, “Can you make it? Are you sure, since this is a commitment for class,” and if you say yes make it happen then. If you say no, then you’ve lost your opportunity for help from one person. We started this as a group, and we all agreed to meet half way for every person to make it easy. But I do not see where you’ve done your part. There’s only so much chances you can give people until they realize it’s over only to have them know that you’ve stood them up for an opportunity that you’ve been asking for, and not returned the thanks for it.

If there’s something that’s stopping you from getting there and there’s no solution. I can understand that, but if there is a solution to every reason that you give, there is no excuse for it at all. Where’s that courage you said that you have? Where’s that confidence you said that you would show, we’ve been though how to have grit to manage and put out all your grit into effort to pass.

That same amount of effort, time, and energy you’ve used to complain about everything is the same amount of time, effort and energy you could have used into pull yourself together. You’re all about being blessed for what is given to you, but you don’t really show that you’re blessed. No, I’m not making assumptions, but tell me at any point of your complaining did you think about the things you could have done better rather than the things you have yet to do, or rather than the things that you have piled up. You keep talking about how you need certain things, but you cannot even decided on what you really want to keep yourself focused where is your self- motivation?

Be Honest

Dear self I have come this week to talk about where we when wrong last week. It is our weekly session. So? Where did I go wrong? Were did we go wrong? Talk let’s be honest.

The truth of the matter is that we forgot to do one of the blog post for that day due to the fact we had somewhere to go and it lasted all day and when we returned the was no more time left to do a post. That discouraged us since our goal was to do a post a day and because we failed in that we became weak of spirit. This is the honest truth of what happened last week when it came to our blog. As you can see it is discouragement that cause us to stop working and preserving on. so lesson for this week my dear self  is that you are capable of losing hope when things do not go your way. So learn to not lose hope or you will not make it very far and will be unable to complete the work/goals you set out for your self. So take encouragement and try not to lose hope but if you does forgive yourself because no one is perfect in all that they do the first time that they start. It took ninety nine tries for the light ball to be created after all. So forgive yourself and accept the fact that this is not going to be easy and life will happen but that is no reason to give up hope. 

Thank you myself for this talk. See you next week and this time the lesson we learned this week will not be forgotten.

How America can solve its debt problem

 

Dear future children of mine today I have a lesson for you. And that lesson is to never own a debt to anyone that you are incapable of paying of. However, if you do find yourself in a large debt here is what you can do. Listen well for eventually a loaner always come back to collect. So let me tell you of a tale of a country called America where I live in and which is capable of releasing themselves of debt before it is too late and the other countries they own a debt to come to collect.

Once upon a time the was a country called America who were rich in natural resources and other wealth. This country became great and big and tall. However because this country became great and big and tall it needed a lot of things or rather it thought it needed a lot of things. So it borrowed money from others and placed itself in debt and boy was its debt great. Now this country had three choices. One asked for a debt forgiveness from its debtors and forgive the debts of the other countries whose debts it own. Two try to figure out a way to lower its own bit by bit. Or three do the first two for a short period of time. Now the best choice is the last choice the third choice for it is the best choice. So how could America be able to lower it debt by this third choice?

By stating that it is in debt and that the debt is large and asking it debtors for a grace period to lower said debt to a reasonable size. Once that is done the next step is to figure out a way to lower its own debt bit by bit by doing it state by state with a program were the citizens and businesses give up a small percent of their income willingly to go towards the reduction of the debt in their states for a time being. In other words cut down on the luxuries, cut down on the big this and big that and focus on only living with in their means and cutting down on making large profits for businesses. At first this might seem impossible after all the debt ceiling is so high and so large how can it be escaped? Well this is that possibility. The means for which to survive the upcoming economic burst. It the best way to make it through the storm for this country and other countries like it who have gotten themselves in great debt.

This my future children is how to get out of debt by cutting down on things that are not needed, putting away the pleasures, the greed and focusing on the task at hand. Realizing that the latest this or that is not going to help you through a debt it is better to bear your shame as a poor person and escape becoming enslaved then to be prideful and put yourself in a hole you later find you can not escape out of. A hole that leads to war and destruction. That is the lesson for today.

Listen

Have a blessed Ramadan! (1)

Please forgive me, please be patient with me, please don’t give up on me just yet. Please forgive me, I don’t mean to be all alone in my head, it’s the only way I know I can fight my own battles. Please don’t give up on me just yet, I don’t mean to subconsciously be alone in my head, because that’s all I know how to deal with my clouded thoughts and anxiety. I don’t talk about it with people because they won’t understand. I keep myself busy because I refuse to have my head running around with anxiety trying to confuse me, trying to bring me down, trying to make me cry, trying to make me panic. I don’t talk to anyone about it because it’s not something that’s easy to say hey I have anxiety, because I don’t need opinions about my faith to God being questioned on what I’m thankful for, or if I really listen to him. I ask for forgiveness in wishing death because that’s the only thing that’s kept me alive besides prayers.

I admit I’ve had my moments where I’ve left scars on myself in the past but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to do it again. I don’t worry to be a perfectionist, I don’t have OCD on certain ways because all those have become routines to me. You tell me it’s all in my head thinking if I keep telling myself I can’t do something that it’s not going to happen. When I force myself to step out of my comfort zone everyday, I hate mornings but I force myself to do it. I hate myself in so many ways that my insecurities break my motivation. I have motivation, it lasts temporarily but it grows. My insecurities are all I hate about myself, similar to what you hate about yourself. We’re opposites but we love what we hate about each other anyway.

I can never say I love myself. Satisfaction is something that I refuse to settle with, because being alone in my own head is already difficult enough, and still climbing up to the level where I know I need to learn to share my head again, is going to be difficult. Since I had told myself I won’t share my head until I have myself built up. I shouldn’t have to explain how it works, because anxiety is something that has to be seen it can’t always be explained. So please forgive me if I seem rattled or confused at times, because I will zone out mentally and not realize it or I will zone out and I will know it but I would constantly blink my eyes to avoid the blur especially in a vehicle that is always the scariest part of driving.

Have you ever suffered through a voice screaming in your head everyday. It screams at you every second of the day from when you open your eyes to when you close your eyes at night. From the time you start to communicate with people until the time you have to communicate with yourself. So please forgive me if I seem so quiet when I used to talk so much, most of my energy was taken to pull myself out of bed. Please forgive me if I’m being a sluggish turtle, I wake up with a voice screaming in my head and a heartbeat to headache moods. So please forgive me if I’m more forward with my personality rather than my emotions, I’ve been told too many times to sugarcoat all my words. Please forgive me if I don’t seem like myself, and if I seem to be someone else because I don’t act like who I usually am. Please forgive me if I snap at you when you seem so shallow.

Let Me Pick Your Brain

Let me pick your brain and take you somewhere unimaginable. Let me take you somewhere where you see pictures that will relax you. Let me pick your brain and tell you something surprising, let me pick your brain and let me blow your mind. You’ve lost your way, let me help you find it. Let the rush of the wind take you to another world. Hey you, yes you, the one who’s reading this, you have a goal right? You have a dream you want to come true right? So…What’s stopping you? Loss of inspiration? Loss of motivation? Not sure what to talk about or how to start? What keeps you in your bubble? Don’t be afraid to try something new. Go ahead try something new, do something that scares you the most something that would keep you as a person going to reach your goal. Let me pick your brain and open those path ways that you’ve never seen before.

What do you do, when you’re stuck in a feeling that keeps you at a low point. How do you change it. What do you do when that feeling hits you hard, how do you stop that feeling that hurts you mentally emotionally and physically. That feeling that stops you from wanting to do everything you really want to do but can’t. Do you ever turn out that pain that makes you feel constantly sad but you hold it in so hard eventually you know you’re going to break and when you break down you try not to break down in a public place or you try to break down where no one can see you no one can hear you where your secluded from everybody else your secluded from the world completely.

I Miss You, I Miss Me More

me

I miss you, I really do miss you. I miss that smile across your face, I miss that curve of your smile every time you looked in the mirror. I miss you, I really do, I miss that glow in your eyes that light up your face, to make it brighter light the city lights, and those light are really dang bright. I miss you, I really do. I miss those times you would never stop laughing, those times that you never cared if a joke is bad or not it just sounded funny as it sounded. I miss you, I really do. I miss the way you used to look at yourself in the mirror without caring for those proportions, to make your you have that bone covered up with some meat, or that portion of your skin covered up with some thickness. I miss you, I really do. I miss how you used to wake up and you already knew it was a good day, after a nightmare, a happy dream, or a past experience.

I miss you, I really do. I miss hearing you say you can eat whatever you want, and not regret it at all. I miss you, I really do. I miss seeing you just walk away from arguments that were a waste of your time. I miss you, I really do. I miss seeing you just enjoying moments in time frames. I miss you, I really do. I miss seeing your smile through your laughter. I miss you, really do. I miss hearing the happiness in your voice. I miss you, I really do. I miss the fact you didn’t give up on your dreams. I miss you, I really do. I miss how you never cared about perfection, ever cared about being too skinny, too thick, too muscular.

You just cared about how you were comfortable in your own skin. I miss you, I really do. I miss how you would be able to take the day without having to worry about the stresses that would block your way. I miss you, I really do. I miss your innocent face that changed the world one day at a time. I miss you, really do. I miss your crazy self. I miss you, I really do. So be a better you, than who you were yesterday. I miss you, I really do. That’s you who you were, you were me.